At the time of this writing I am downstairs in a completely quiet apartment. All three children are asleep, obviously, thus the quiet. I mean the only sound here, right now, is my typing. It is wonderful.
As wonderful as it is, accompanied with it, is guilt. Guilt with a capital G.
My children toddled off to bed about 25 minutes ago, and I sat right here checking my email. Hubs went upstairs to study and I left my children to go to sleep without a good night story. Guilt.
Daniel is going to need some physical therapy. He is just slightly delayed and they believe it's because he lost so much weight and then it took a little over a month to gain back up to birth weight. Guilt. Why guilt you ask?? (I know you did, so I'll answer). The thoughts ran through my head and back again and took up residency in there that if I hadn't been so bound and determined to breast feed ONLY, if I had just started supplementing sooner then he would have gained back the weight quicker and therefore not need physical therapy. Now, he's not that delayed and he is already made great strides, but still, I feel guilty. Guilt and worry are my hobbies. I don't get out much.
I haven't taken my kids to the zoo this summer. Guilt. Why? I don't know. It's just something you are supposed to do, go to the zoo. I guess. Isn't it?? I have denied my children of stinky animals and over-priced lemonade. And seventeen trips to a public restroom.
Now I realize that I am not the only mommy that suffers from self-inflicted guilt. Yes, self-inflicted. No one is down here berating me for not reading a bed time story, I do that well enough on my own. No one is blaming me for Daniel's slight delay. I am. I only feel slightly guilty about the zoo, and I am sure that one will pass quickly (remember stinky animals and over-priced lemonade). The physical therapy guilt won't go away so quickly.
So, in need to know that I am not the only one obsessing over zoo trips, bed time stories and physical therapy, what do you all have mommy guilt over?
And I may still work in a trip to the zoo. Gotta alleviate at least one source of guilt.
3 comments:
Mommy guilt confessions:
- We blew off school for a girls' shopping day today.
- I have taught my kids not to wake me up in the mornings.
- The tone I hate in my older daughter's voice comes straight from me.
- I say "I'm tired" far too much.
- I don't take them to play outside nearly enough and I don't enjoy playing with them like I think I should.
This list could get very long, very quickly. But anyway, the fall is the best time to go to the zoo since the animals are more active in cooler weather. And it's far less stinky.
Oh, you're not alone!
-I don't play with my kids as much as I should (like get down on the floor and spend 30 minutes setting up Mouse Trap just to play it a couple of times)
-I lose my patience too easily (I'm working on that one)
-There are more, but if I start naming them all I'll get all guilt-ed up!
Don't be too hard on yourself. Except about the zoo. They might need therapy for that one. (Kidding, of course!) =)
You are not the only one! But you know, we do the best we can for now!
Steph
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